idiots mantra

A Raja snubs Shobhaa De

2010-11-28T19:56:00.000-08:00

The Social Network - review

2010-11-20T09:14:00.000-08:00

Seen it twice.

The Social Network(TSN) is a rare film. Not often does one walk into the darkness of a cinema hall with some great expectation that the director(David Fincher) has build with films like Fight Club, Seven, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and the film happens to be several notches up your expectation barometer and leaves you asking for more by the end of it.

TSN is very well written and it excels in structure, and the dialogues are clear while being snappy. I haven’t seen so many people laugh at the clever dialogues. Aaron Sorkin deserves full marks. I finished reading the script last night. Aaron Sorkin will certainly make it to the final five at Oscars next year. Will be happy if he wins.

Now with a great script director David Fincher extracts some great performances from the cast. Jessey Eisenberg who plays protagonist Mark Zukerberg -the founder of Facebook- who is surefooted while dealing with any tech/geeky thing and socially fragile especially with women. He is cut above the rest. Andrew Garfield too did a great job who plays Eduardo Saverin -only friend of Mark Zukerberg at Harvard. Justin Timberlake too delivers a memorable performance while playing street smart Sean Parker -the founder of Napster- who knows Silicon Valley inside out, he also serves as the catalyst in the film. Armie Hammer does well as he portrays the identical Winklevoss twins. Brenda Song, other too do well with their roles.

You might have heard it elsewhere and I’ll reiterate; TSN is an adaptation of the book titled ‘The Accidental Billionaire’. Film breaks in the middle of a conversation where Mark and his girlfriend Erica(a Boston University student) are there for a dinner date. There are no traces of romance in the conversation where Mark expresses his concern over doing something substantial to grab attention of Final Clubs at Harvard. However Mark screws up the conversation big time and Erica breaks up with her right there. He gets back to his fraternity (Kirkland) dorm, gets intoxicated and blogs shit about Erica simultaneously. Then he goes on to creates FaceMash dot com, a site that compares two girls at a time. FaceMash gathers significant attention across Harvard which eventually leads to collapse of Harvard’s network in few hours.

Mark gets 6 month academic probation for FaceMash episode, attention of Winklevoss brothers and unpopularity among the girls on campus. Andrew Garfield says “How can you get all the girls to hate us, man”. The Winklevoss brothers and Narendra ask Mark to write code for a website idea called ‘The Harvard Connection’. Mark agrees to do so. However, he keeps them in dark as he begins coding for it, he actually improves the idea hell lot. Eduardo(his only friend) arranges the money for servers. The narrative is non-linear as it jumps back and forth from a hearing where the Winklevoss brothers and Eduardo sue him over Facebook ownership rights. The story unfolds as characters reveal what happened four years back when the attorneys on both sides pose questions. In short we track the invention and evolution of Facebook, now a multibillion entity. Facebook grabs Sean Parker’s attention in California, then he convinces Mark to come to Cali. calling it the place to be. Mark at different times keeps different people in dark, even stabs in the back of his best friend Eduardo. A couple of dialogues

Mark: He was my best friend.

We see empty chair.

Attorney: And your best friend is suing you for 600 million dollars.

TSN is not just about invention and evolution of Facebook, it also provides great insights to human nature through the characters and situations. It’s almost like a thriller that rivets you to screen. I never thought a film about Facebook’s invention could be so gripping.

Film is brilliantly shot. Especially this rowing competition sequence between Harvard Rowing team and Hollandia Rowing team, some are calling it “A perfect scene”. Production design and lighting are trademark Fincher. The music adds to the tension, a technique extensively used by Kubrick in The Shining. I wonder if I should use the word “Masterpiece” for this David Fincher’s effort, as many people (including renowned critics) have used. It for sure is a brilliant film; test of time will answer its Masterpiece contention. A must watch in theatres.

Aaron Sorkin (writer) makes a brief appearance as an NY ad executive where he questions Eduardo about the snoring sound that Mark makes during a meeting. Mark Zukerberg’s dialogues are smart throughout the film and few people laugh at them loudly like it’s an exclusive joke that only they understood. This was a bit annoying few times. Few also complain that Jessey Eisenberg delivered his lines too fast and are difficult to understand occasionally.

10/10 can't see a reason to deduct points.

Kudos Fincher and team.

Udaan and Peepli Live

2010-10-08T02:24:00.000-07:00

So, finally after decades of monotonous formula, now cliched, masala films Indian Film Industry(IFI) there seems to be some room for indie/parallel/hat-ke films. The ratification comes from the commercial success of films like Peepli Live, Bheja Fry, Udaan and rest.

I recently saw Udaan and Peepli Live. Had heard some great reviews about both. One went Cannes the other went to Sundance. Both reputed festivals. Thumbs up for the creative team behind these films.

Both films are rich in content, the characters have an arc, the stories have depth, the dialogue are polished, the conflicts are strong and clear, acting is superb. Udaan on one hand is character driven and explores the journey of a boy becoming a man and breaking free from control of his oppressive father. Call it budget constrains, but the cast went well with the characters. Shot in Jamshedpur Udaan also showed there is world beyond Bombay, Delhi, NY, London and Sydney. I would like to see such good films go mainstream with a least 500 prints release. Our(Indian) perception of cinema is terribly wrong and often displays our ignorance in great proportions when good films aren't able to break even. The actors need not always be cute/good looking sporting six-pac abs 22inch biceps and overact. This may also be due to the reason that we have been fed such cinema for so long that we have stopped to acknowledge anything that doesn't have a Khan, Kapoor, Khaana tag on it. sad but true, it is, as Metallica put it.

Peepli Live on other hand is more on masala side. It isn't exceptional but deals with a subject that mainstream cinema is often shy of touching. The sarcasm is brilliant and the characters are crafted well. The free flowing use of curse words adds to the realism.

You gotta see these two.

peace!

Tharoor Modi banter

2010-05-22T21:42:00.000-07:00

An Amazing Person of a Man

2010-05-05T17:47:00.000-07:00

Like films there are genres of people. Few are always exited about nothing, few are perpetually sad for specific reason, few are always confused, some are born nasty and so do they die -nasty. They just have this thing attached to them. And then they become that thing. This post is a promise that I made to myself for no specific reason during the course of interaction with this gentleman. I don't know his name. So the gentleman in contention had amazing attached to his personality and years later the day of discovery came and on expected lines he may have discovered he had become amazing. It just takes time and consistent effort to reach there. Trust me.

If I’m not exceptionally wrong the day was of Makar Sankranti of previous year. It’s afternoon time and by choice we (family) were sleeping (there’s no substitute to afternoon sleep. Like sprinkling Saffron on Biryani). And there’s knock on the door. Upon inspection from the door peephole I woke parents up, as I don’t deal with people not-of my age much. But not to my respite I was asked to socialize. :D

I brought in the tea and snacks and paid absolutely no attention the gentleman. By the way he physically was tall by Indian standards lot of hair (salt and pepper) left on his head for his age. Never tucks in his shirt and usually folds up his sleeves a couple of times. Common man so to say he is. His family structure is rather complex to his simple appearance. Being eldest son among four(or 5) to a army man takes some guts. I'm not sure of number of brother he has but there are quite a lot. I can count four of them. So let us assume 4 for convenience. I think, with I qualify of being called neighbor.

As said I wasn't really attentive towards conversation happening there. But when it turned to politics I was all ears for that. All I remember of that conversation are a few lines. One of them that instantly stunned me was this:

"Either Congress will win or it will not win"

Form the point of view of Congress or any other political outfit there are only two possibilities. Either it may win or it may not win. What's the point in stating the obvious. It not much different from saying either the upper side will be heads or tails in the case of a coin being tossed. His political affiliation was right wing folks. Later in the conversation he mentioned few more things but, nothing matches the mentioned.

Any conversation would be incomplete if you don't ask the young fella of family what he/she is doing at present. So did he and there was a mention of CAT on my side. He happened to be one of those kind of people who don't mind exaggerating things and stretching them. He dismissed my IIM pursuit as not-worth instantly. However, his opinion could possibly draw similarity some what like Manmohan Singh playing Rajeev Masand.

"There's an IIM at Banjar Hills na? Let us go and talk to people out there someday."

There's no IIM its an IIPM. Now if you have some idea of b-schools in India you know the irony in his statement. Then he suggested me a mantra that would help me in achieving my goals, plus a stone of some karat rating. Then he said..

"You can actually do MBA from Mississippi University. You can get the certificate."

The thing with it was it was some b-grade univ. having a affiliation to another c-grade Indian college. Then he asked me why didn't I apply to few universities in Australia.

"Why don't you apply to some universities in Australia? I send that Sharma's son there few months back." Like he paid for his fees and flight ticket. I said, most good universities take people who have prior work-experience.

"What is there in that? I can get you a 3 years work-ex certificate. What is there in that?"

"Hmm"

"Not only that, If you want to marry tell me. What is there in that? I will fix your marriage. What is there in that?"

Making "What is there in that?" his person favorite line. And repeating it for the fourth time. I was bewildered at the tangents that conversation was shaping into. There were moments when everybody present(including him) knew he was exaggerating. But everyone listened. Much later in the conversation came the real deal, he sought a favor from my parents.

Varudu (Bridegroom)

2010-04-04T18:44:00.000-07:00

Sometimes -but rarely- it happens that while watching a film you feel that silently farting is an easier job than watching the film. Yesterday was one such happy moment for me. Of course the cosmos was in full light of it. The film is called Varudu. A even rare eventuality is when a person close to the actor playing protagonist is present in close vicinity. The cacaphony post exit doors was missing. I overheard a guy from a group of six -as he was the only person who spoke-saying "Speechless". It verymuch sums up the film for you.

The director seems to be in a complex hangover of MI-series, Spiderman and X-men, in that particular order. First the hero makes entry in Tom Cruise style bike riding, then flies/jumps like Tobey McGuire (Kobe Bryant, Shaq, Kevin Garnett are no match for him) and finally he kicks the balls out of villan in Hugh Jackman style. The director also made efforts to arrange the final fight on two colling towers (usually seen in nuclear/thermal power stations) as it was in Wolverine, so that you don't keep scratching your head and other body parts and say "Where did I see this?" I had few expectations till the Act-1 as the story has some scope. Probably it could have been Tollywood's first Coming-of-age flick.

A rather unusual outcome from this farty-flick was that its opponent/villan was finely developed and was a match for the hero. The song's aren't great and interrupt the flow of film all the time. Editor deserves a pat err.. kick on his you know where. Production designer, dude where are you? There were as many flaws as one can rememeber. The story has two marriage scenes in one place but, in the second scene the set suddenly comes up with two huge chimneys near them. And when the time of final fight comes miles of flower farms disappear only to form barren land with few large rocks. Hero and villan refuse to die time and again the final fight. May be they had said to each other "Hey, we are not common folks, we can take a lot of time to die. Or not die at all."

I also assume that the hero underwent training in bomb exposal(not disposal) squad as he fixes up a bomb in villans car in no time.

Despite all the ranting there was a good element, audience was deprived of Sneha Ullal's acting. She appears in the very first scene and you kind of expect her to be hero's love interest. But it never happens, an A+ to casting director for this. Such films offer enormous scope for fun for group goers. You get the licence to create nuisance in theatre and get claps for that. I kept my composure throught out the film but when the fight sequence on cooling towers came, I booed and wistled, not caring for social obligations and the civic sense thursted on me.

In our lingo such flicks are termed "STINKERS"

Alice in Blunderland - Arun Shourie

2010-03-15T16:12:00.001-07:00

When Mr.Shourie said.. Rajnath Singh is like Alice in Blunderland..

Mayawati the Cover girl. Check the latest VOGUE issue

2010-03-07T19:15:00.000-08:00

Mayawati featured on VOGUE.. err... VAGUE(what she is) cover

Comments and Kitchen Comments

2010-03-01T13:03:00.000-08:00

Feedback and comments are one of the common motivation for human actions. Though they come second in the queue after the results themselves. Someone subscribing to BhagwatGita won't agree much, which professes 'Action without expectation of result' as lifestyle. In present day it's impossible to practice this continuously for long time.

As the title of this post suggests it is about the comments received during my endeavors to kitchen. My association with kitchen is a long one, since fifth standard I've been venturing in to this female dominated area. That day my mom taught me how to prepare a tea. Years have passed since that event and I've made tea my core competence. Be it plain, ginger, cardamom or masala tea. But, sometimes its troublesome to have expertize, as you are called most of the times. "Hey get us some quick tea." I remember days when I made tea for over two dozen of guests. While leaving they shed few words of praises for my tea. "The tea was really good."

I received a stunning comment over a month back, which led to this post. So there was a guest at our place, it was morning and I was about to make some coffee for myself, I saw him and made two mugs instead. Gave it to him, he thanked me and drank. Later came the comment ... "The Tea was really good." God darn! It was a coffee, was my instant impulse but none the less I was humble and I made him aware of the contents of drink he minutes back poured into his stomach via. mouth. On hearing his eye balls dropped and eyebrows raised for a moment. He reconfirmed and I was pleased to reiterate.

The above incident may not sound funny but think for a moment.. You accompany someone on a holiday to Europe and when its over he/she says.... "Africa was really nice. I enjoyed it a lot." This was about kitchen comments.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One other profound comment haunts me occasionally. It was by my mathematics instructor in class/std 12. I was kind of average. "Kind of" itself speaks of mediocrity, but still. I failed one of the weekend exams and he gave a decent discourse to me in front of whole class. Of them the few words that I still hear in my ear are... "You are the worst student in this class." That was it, I said to myself. Next weekend came, I had honed myself in a weeks time for the battle that was about to come. It came and I aced the test. 50 out of 50. The chapters were of Probability. I was just walking when he caught me and asked what marks did I get. Initially he was in disbelief and later when his hour came and he was in class, he esquired it again, saw my paper and praised me. He didn't say I was the best student in the class. But, few things are better unsaid. Nobody remembers I was called worst but I do. The contrary situation in a week was a pleasant and satisfying.

LAPD on High Alert as Ajay Jadeja's popularity soars

2010-02-28T23:07:00.000-08:00

SPECIAL REPORTER

Los Angeles: Ajay Jadeja(AJ) -the Jamnagar born, Jamnagar bred lad is causing riots in the city of Los Angeles. Girls going crazy, gays running aimlessly since the day AJ appeared on local television channel. Recent unconfirmed reports confirm AJ's popularity rose main folds in recent days in the city of Los Angeles. And as a precautionary measure Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) has taken note of the situation and has put 15 battalions on high alert. "Riots may break anytime" said a elderly looking police official.

A rather cool pose!

The gentleman AJ is truly a multi-dimensional personality. A natural sex-bomb. Long time back AJ was cricketer and I was a fan of his fielding skills until the indulgence in match-fixing took him down and reduced his sex-appeal -though mildly. However, the blue blood aggressively flowing in his veins reminded him of his warrior skills and one fine day he landed in NDTV's office and earned himself the critical yet skillful job of cricket expert. One can describe his life in two days; the day he fixed and the day he landed at NDTV. Some where in the middle of the two most defining days of his life was a rather simple leisurely day when he landed on a film set and even began to act. To his agony and publics ecstasy his film flopped and the chances of humiliation through association of his near's and dear's drastically dropped.

The progress is dangerous. As I speak things are getting out of hand for LAPD. "It shall be a epic struggle of epic proportions" said Andrew Smithson -his fan, sporting a t-shirt with AJ's face. Whatever be the reason of confrontation its a great one. His appeal is destined only northwards. Burger King named a burger after the legendary cricketer its called "AJ The AJ", it even has three variants.

After three paragraphs of confirming unconfirmed reports I must say that the regards I have for AJ are paramount like the last peak on graph. What next? A member of parliament ticket from congress ? Highly likely, wait for 2014.

What Google said

LEADER - a nice film

2010-02-21T22:26:00.000-08:00

So, after a long time I came out of theatre satisfied with the movie. My thirst -for good cinema- happens to be quenched with LEADER -a Telugu film. Most films have disappointed me in recent times. Since Twilight's New Moon, which as a matter of fact mega sucked. So did many other films. I picked Twilight because someone coerced me and I paid for six others excluding the dinner.

Whatever be the reason(perhaps momentary lapse of it) the movie worked for me. The story is not that complex to interpret and at certain occasions predictable. However, there is a degree of novelty as well. For once I did not see a schmuck comedian pulling off antiques in the middle of a scene with absolute no association with the central theme or story in a Telugu movie.

The film starts with an explosion of a land-mine which leads to death of Chief Minister of state. His son(protagonist) arrives from the US. Father passes away, but before dying express his last desire to his son, which turns out to be that he wants to see his son in the chief minister's post. It turns out to be that one of the close relatives of the family is behind the blast. For grabbing the post and exploiting the post to its best. Meanwhile Arjun(son) learns that his father was a corrupt person and had assimilated large wealth. Mother says, he was compelled to do so. He didn't had a choice. She also asks him to become the chief minister and change things, something that his father couldn't accomplish.

With some help from a newly found associate cum his Man-Friday he's able to get a lot of MLA's in his favor. Eventually this leads to a intraparty elections where he wins and is followed by taking oath as chief minister. The funny part was they choose a look-alike of the ex-governor(N.D.Tiwari -now tainted and abandoned by INC) there was intentional subtlety in this act.

The family feud grows behind and on the scenes. The other relative(uncle) and his son plan and grab the portfolio of home-ministry. They plan a attack on him, but he escapes it. The movie revolves around the moralistic approach that the son wants to take and overhaul the administration system. But finds it hard to do and finally resorts to even immoralistic ways in order to clean the system. He inspires a lot of people in the way. In the final act, he tries desperately to keep hold of chief ministers chair but is unable to under changing political equations. Elections are held and he appoints well educated people from his party and he wins the elections. The climax is in expected lines. However, the scenes are shot well and background music adds value to the visuals. The crux of the matter being; one has to resort to things one is not comfortable doing in order to get things right. It was on the lines of BhagwatGita, though not explicit.

There were few technical flaws too, but a normal viewer won't notice it. Many people complained of second half being slow and not in tandem to the first. I say, its directors cut and why can't a politician have a private life. Had there been no private moments it wouldn't have been much different from Sarkar.

The performance were good. Of others, the protagonist needed to be slightly offbeat and he was. Not a must watch but a good film(above average+) none the less.

My Name Is Khan - Yet another un-satisfactory film

2010-02-16T23:26:00.000-08:00

Amid immense anticipation in public and some political mockery that of late seems to be the flavor of pre-release season of all films in India this (Saha Rukh Khan)SRK starring flick was released. A friend of mine, better known in circles for being ardent SRK devout for ages, warned me to book tickets and see catch MNIK first day first show. Apart from the statutory warning that I receive before each SRK release there was yet another reason for me to catch this flick, that about 20% of the film was shot on my university campus. I would have probably done that, but the trailer didn't work for me. Trailer did not evoke interest/emotions/expectation on me. For record sake, I saw Don (starring SRK) first day first show, and a couple of times later on.

None the less, I was in San Fransisco, aimless and nomadic with nothing to do for a day. Someone asked me if I would come for the film? Yes, I said. It was Valentines Day plus a Sunday and upon reaching the theatre we learned shows were sold out. The lady at the box-office sympathized with us and informed us that evening 7:30 show wasn't booked to the capacity and she would book us if we wished to.

Some Googling on iPhones came handy and we landed at Big Cinema's (owned by ADAG) some 7 miles from the previous theatre and got our tickets. Actually we were the first ones to buy here on this day. There was time in our hand and hunger in stomach which took us to the nearest Subway at a stone throw distance away. Veggie delight was ordered, few Lays were bought. Though I did not have great expectations after watching trailer, I got curious after reading reviews. Most of them gave 3.5+ ratings.

So finally got to watch MNIK and it did disappoint me a great deal. The story is about Rizwan Khan (played by SRK) who suffers from a psychological disorder. He is good at heart at the same time his acumen is immense. His brother (played by Jimmy Shergill -the actor who needs no introduction and honestly no one wants to give either) feels that mother is more inclined towards Rizwan and kind of dislikes him for that. Later on after finishing his college go to the US and settles (marriage included) there. One day calls mother and asks her to come there and also sponsors his Rizwan for the same cause.

Cut to US and Jimmy has built up a business on his own blood and sweat, asks brother SRK to market the products he produces. There enters Mandira (we all know she's Kajol), a hairdresser at a parlour in San Fransisco. They meet and it becomes necessary for SRK to fall in love with her. SRK bluntly asks her to marry. She says "..its complex, not that easy.." A deal is struck; if SRK could show Kajol any place in San Fransisco that she hasn't seen then she would marry him. I wonder if such deals are popular today. I wish to have one such. BTW Kajol is a divorcee and has a kid too.

Now predictably, SRK shows her a place (that looked like a view point to me) and they get married. Kajol and son adopt Khan as their surname, there is 9/11 attack and racial attacks follow. There was a laughable moment where SRK comes to Kajol and says asks for sex, shows her a book called 'Intercourse for Dumbos'. When a man in his forty's does that it is laughable. They have neighbours, who are close to them. The husband is sent to Afganistan to cover the US war on terror and gets killed. Now his son becomes sour and racial. SRK's son get's killed in a scene in school soccer field where he gets into a fight with bullies.

Kajol blames SRK and the surname Khan for this event and asks go leave. Also she suggests him to tell to everybody that ... his name is Khan and he is not a terrorist, if possible even to the president of US. Now its totally SRK's fault if he picks up only president and leaves others. It becomes his misson in life. He follows president wherever he goes and tries hard to meet him. One fine sunny day he president is to arrive in a university campus(UCLA) and he gets there to. Amid many folks he too shouts... "Mr.President. My name is Khan and am not a terrorist." Someone hear's only terrorist and freeting follows. SRK gets arrested and jailed.

Some unknown student actually captures SRK's original words in his camera during the event. He watches the footage again and again. Decided he should contact some media channel fella and broadcast his story so that SRK gets free. It happens. While he's on his mission to meet president he accidentally meets a black family and loves them. later when he gets freedup from jail and hears that that village (where he met the black family) got stormed by hurricanes he decides to go there and help them. He reaches there in no time from Los Angeles and helps them. The media fellas follow him and he becomes sort of hero (he actually is one :P).

Now there are presidential elections and Barrack Obama is the chosen one. I believe SRK would have underwent major pain when he learns this. But, he finally meets him. People clap. President praises him for his efforts, kind being and announces that he's not a terrorist. Somewhere in the middle with SRK's help the cops catch a group of terrorists.

Movie lacked direction big time. Story has huge scope, alas it went untapped. One big minus I thought for the film was its music. You gotta have a couple of good numbers on a desi film. Where I think the film could have clicked was if somehow the actors/director made us feel sympathetic for the protagonist, which didn't happen. Alas the movie is very average. Watch it if you have spare time.

Fine humor gone wildly wrong

2010-01-11T18:05:00.000-08:00

A couple of years back I read a book titled The Inscrutable Americans written by Anurag Mathur. The book was largely comical and made a nice read. Its protagonist Gopal, a small town boy, comes to America for his education. The book takes readers through journey of Gopal during his stay as a student. It has many hilarious moments, which speaks for the quality and subtlety of humor. One of the lines from initial chapters is still in my mind. Its from a letter that Gopal writes to his brother back in India. The line was ..... .. .. ..

" Most surprising thing about America is it is full

of Americans. Everywhere Americans, Americans, big and white, it is
little frightening...... .. .."

I too have arrived as a student in this part of world. In the city of Los Angeles. But, I'm not sure if I could reuse the phrase that Gopal used in his letter. At the airport, I felt like I landed in some south American cum Chinese place. The next day we(room mates) went to San Fransisco. I could have used that phrase there, perhaps.

My classes have begun and I travel for 3-4 hours on the days of classes. Most people in buses/trains are either of south American origin or of south asian origin. Spanish, Brazilians, Vietnamese, Chinese, Koreans, Japanese etc are in large numbers. Here, in buses and trains they announce the name of stop/place before it arrives along with regular safety instructions. They are done in two languages, English and Latin/Spanish/Mohican/Portuguese. I've not been able to figure out which of the four languages is the second one. My classmate who lives pretty close by my place said in LA only 10 percent people are locals. Quite often I feel like I'm in the middle of nowhere. Phew....!!!!

ISBN: 8171670407
Price: Rs 95
Published: 1990

Aamirs - inexplicably magical

2010-01-09T19:15:00.000-08:00

India's MOST-manly Women

2009-09-22T01:20:00.000-07:00

Of late I noticed (as we always do) there are few women in public space who are quite potent of putting any macho male to shame with their masculine machismo. Without much fuss here is the list.

On the top, head of a State

Second on the list an ace director

Third on the list an ace anchor of an ace TV show

Fourth and final the ultimate talk show host and ultimate (at the same time) director

Note: With due respect to all(above) and no intention to disrespect or defame.

Rani Mukherjee is a Planet

2009-05-01T00:53:00.000-07:00

May 1st, 2009
Special Correspondent
______

In a bewildering incident, which will have long-term aftermaths of quantum never seen before, Rani Mukherjee abandoned Earth yesterday night and escaped somewhere in to the space. NASA issued a tentative report based upon preliminary data collected from wide
(Rani's elliptical orbit in red)
range of sources like CCTV footage, Galileo observatory in space and International Space Station. “She seems to have left Earth at wee hours. After reaching ‘Geostationary Orbit’ see might have changed her mind (her direction of motion changed) and moved quickly towards moon. After spending some time there she gathered some real momentum (angular) and traveled across half distance of our Solar System and finally seems to have settled in an elliptical orbit besides Saturn” said a senior NASA official, addressing the media.

This morning International Astronomical Union (IAU) arranged an emergency meeting to discuss this crisis. IAU has subsequently granted Planethood status to Rani Mukherjee. “It was a hard decision to make. We had to assess her shape, size, mass, gravitational force she’s exerting, velocity of rotation and many technicalities before we decided that she’s a planet. Now Solar System looks much more balanced after her inclusion. She has “beautifully” filled the void created by Pluto” commented Durga Naresh –head of IAU.

Obama administration has called for an international –all nations- summit, considering the gravity of situation. They will look in to prospects of Rani helping world overcome current economic slowdown. People were upbeat at White House.

Unconfirmed reports from her PR manager –who still is on Earth- reveal that she may soon start plotting the planet after a close inspection, followed by real estate development. “She may be issuing tenders across all major national newspapers soon” was all we could get from the manager. DLF’s chairman Kushal Pal Singh (also on Forbes rich list) said that he is looking forward to build some awe-inspiring architectural marvels on this new planet. Insiders say Reliance Ambani has formed a team of 5 to be sent to this planet for hydrocarbon exploration. “May be she will be nice to us” was Ambani’s word.

“Madam’s behaviour was quite erratic. She ate a lot last evening.” Shared her maid and continued “she was majorly disappointed with political parties, no one called her in their campaigns and rallies. Let down by producers and fellow fraternity she might have taken this extreme decision.” Scientists at ISRO too are closely tracking the developments. It’s a great opportunity for Indian scientists to build a spacecraft and study Rani Mukherjee. Her fans (existing ones) plan to create a temple on her name and offer prayers.

As a consequence, Earth’s mass and gravitational force has dropped exponentially. People are having great time jumping here and there. Shri Laloo Yadav blamed Congress for whatever has happened. Later Congress gave an equally strong reply. Left parties spokesman said “both parties (cong. N Laloo) are equally responsible. Suresh Kalmadi (president Indian Olympic Association since my childhood and till his death) and Prakash Javedekar (BJP spokes person) were unavailable for comments.

Meanwhile sales of telescopes and binoculars have skyrocketed. “I’m having time of my life since Ms.Rani has left Earth. I’ll miss her acting and all but you see… she was kind of burden on our planet, she consumed huge quantities of resources and the sales have soared…” said Naveen Raju, a local optics shop owner. People usually gather on the terrace at night to get a glance of this phenomenon. However, they consistently need to pan (horizontally) their telescopes as Ms.Rani is orbiting at 50,000 miles an hour. Public is eagerly waiting for July 30th when four planets (incl. Rani) will come in a straight line 40 minutes past dusk. This visual spectacle ought not to be missed.

Finally LK Advani was quick to capitalize on this issue. He informed that, not only money stashed in Swiss banks but BJP will also bring back IPL and Rani Mukherjee. Sachin, as reported, smirked a lot after this news broke out.

Korean children(left) line up just to get a glance or RM. Another father guides his 4 and half year old kid as he catches some serious glance of RM (right pic). What really has bewildered people is this new planet's exceptional shape, which in itself is an exception to spherical shape of heavenly bodies.

PS: Need a partner to write. Have lot of ideas but its been difficult to write due to varied reasons.

Stunning people

2009-04-22T06:14:00.000-07:00

The other day I was reading a book when a realization came by on my inability to understand people and world around. I began to think and make a mental list (list in mind) of things that I don’t comprehend and it kind of became quite lengthy and endless as I fell asleep. Subsequently an idea to write on these things blossomed and here it is.

#1 The World Record People

By “The World Record People” I’m referring to that clan of people who are extensively involved in making and breaking records. The weirder the record the better it is. These people get featured in well-known bestseller books like “Limca Book of Records” and the mighty “Guinness Book of World Records”. These are the people who single handedly drive revenues for the above mentioned books.

I have nothing against these record holders, but a lot of them are quite weird. I’m sure you must have seen some random guy tearing those thick telephone directories, bending stainless steel stuff, eating electric bulbs/tube lights and what not? So how does all this happen? I think, one fine day these people, unable to do anything constructive, make a list of occupations. “Hmmm… So? I can’t become an engineer. Nor a Doctor, teacher no, dancer absolutely not, business oh no! Holy Shit! I’m good for nothing. Let me start tearing telephone directories, maybe I’ll become something someday by doing this.” So, finally the guy is ready to do something.

Till now it was okay. When these people grow up and look for marriage, what happens? They meet the opposite party. And it goes like… “So, what is your son into?” asks would-be bride’s father. “Ah! Shyam. Nothing great to boast of. He tares telephone directories. After marriage, he shall tear your daughter off, too.” And the girl’s father would say “There you go. All my life, I wanted a son-in-law like you.” Game over.

#2 The Snake People

If tearing, bending and melting was okay, then what about snakes. The guy who lets a snake through his nose and makes it come out of his mouth. For him to do this, he got to have some real nose, ordinary won’t work. Just think for a moment what his son would go through each day at school. Imagine a new academic year starts and the class gets a new class-teacher. She asks for introductions, parents profession included. What will this small child say? “Eh! Ma’am... my father is like snakes… you know… nose mouth… eew.” Gone, everything. All the reputation he laboriously built in his group, all gone in a moment. And at this time all 40 jaws in class are dropped. Eyebrows raised, all ears, eyes wide open. “I don’t believe his father does that.”

The mental torture would begin after school hours. Someone actually goes and informs students from other division/section. “Hey, hi. You know, Shyam’s father… he eats snakes.” Now these kids would actually comedown to Shyam and confirm if his father eats snakes. At such an instance one may even feel a Pulsar-180cc mechanic is a better father to have.

There are other jobs too, but my content ain't ready

(miss)-Match the Following

2009-04-04T02:24:00.000-07:00

Bad mood and a bit of nonsense.

If you get it, laugh. Else maintain pin-drop silence :p

*Any resemblance to events and persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. I'm not responsible for outcomes of above content. :p

John Buchanan's Invention and Kolkata Knight Riders

2009-03-31T21:46:00.000-07:00

In a report on innovation trends across nations, which was published few days back, had ranked India pretty low. This report sparked off a minor debate among intelligentsia. However, politics and cricket soon took center stage and innovation index was forgotten, like it should be. Come-on we (Indians) don't give a damn about innovation or scientific research. “This is what happens when you are not willing to spend even a half percent of country’s GDP on R&D” I said to my friend, to which he did not react at all like he heard the terms GDP and R&D for the first time. See we really don’t give a damn.

This was story few days back. Now things have changed for better. Political plays and cricketing chaos has paid off really well by inspiring millions of us to innovate. Tata NANO was launched, 3rd Front was launched, IPL will be launched in South Africa, and Varun Gandhi launched his stupid comments. “Highly creative cum inspirational environment perfectly suitable to blossom cum nurture innovation” was Durga Naresh’s comment who used pauses between each word for max impact. Taking an inspiration from this so-called creative cum inspirational environment John Buchanan –current coach of Kolkata Knight Riders - too thought to invent something. “I felt... I felt... I felt.., I was left behind by my counter parts in other professions. And to overcome this I thought of something really cool” narrated Aussie Buchanan. By the way if you are still wondering what that “really cool” thing is, let me inform you John invented “The 4 Captain Theory” ™ ©. A trademark owned by John. Trespassers will be prosecuted.

[Photo]

Buchanan made this announcement (about 4 captains) in an official press conference jointly addressed by John Buchanan and Sourav Ganguly, thereby cutting a major crap out of media personnel and later of television viewing personnel. I mean public. Sourav Ganguly seemed extremely distracted while Buchanan spoke and randomly began chasing a housefly. Also, he disappeared in a moment only to reappear in a moment. Ganguly was distracted and disinterested to such an extent that, he was lifting his hand for no reason, his fingers made weird actions like he was scratching some serious skin of an itch victim person.

As usual political spectrum was first in the list to take a clue from this path breaking (literally) invention and have improvised it in their respective field of polity. Now PM’s post ain’t a bone of contention for Advani, Pawar, Mayawati and the very low profile humble Manmohan Singh as they all will (not can) be next prime ministers of this great nation. This has even solved the leadership issued of police in several states. Now senior police officials need not lobby hard to become commissioner, 4 of them can simultaneously share the post.

In a post-conference conference Buchanan made a PowerPoint presentation about how he came across this stunning idea. He said “I consistently look for something extra. Last night I was reading this book of Stephen Hawking called something… what is it called..?? Yeah! A Brief History of Time, where he mentioned about the 4 dimensions (X, Y, Z and Time) that we live in. This thing surprised me a lot...” Buchanan did put up an amazed kind of look on his face and patted and Nuzzled Ganguly at regular periodic intervals. He continued “… and this was when, when I thought and said to myself... “Hey, this it the time, right time to invent something” and here I am in front of you all making a PowerPoint presentation.” As he halted the proceedings finally there were many pauses and applause's. Boria Majumdar was angry. Breaking this news on Times Now, Boria said “This is ridiculous. And rest must pay in cash.” Some random anchor consoled and apologized TV audience for Boria’s increasing erratic behaviour. Sourav has been unreachable for his comments.

Rumor has it that Buchanan has developed some sort of artificial intelligence with the help of an abundantly available local CSE engineering student. This enables him to foresee future during wee hours of Saturday. Student name not disclosed for personal reasons. – Sources (as always)

IPL - A solution to Global Economic Recession

2009-03-25T11:34:00.000-07:00

If you think, due to recession and Barrack Obamas' policies "Outsourcing" will/has taken a beating, no one else on planet earth can be more wrong, idiotic, stupid and all its synonyms than you. However, let me make it clear that the trend has just begun. All attributed to one great man -perhaps a Nobel Peace Prize nominee- called Lalit Modi. But, we ought to take other factors also in to account as without them it would not have been possible. The obvious list has hi-fi names like Boria Majumdar, P.Chitambaram, N.Gopalaswami, State govt. and couple of police commissioners. The lateral entrants were Narendra Modi and Arun Jaitely.

Okay.. so Lalit Modi is on the verge of fixing global economic downturn beating the hell outta economists and policy makers. Indian Premier League (IPL) has been shifted to South Africa. This will help SA to overcome economic losses. "Lots of moolah commin in. N m lovin it" said a rather sluggish looking investment banker who was laid off last year.

So atlast its Indians who are helping world recover historic losses. How?? Outsourcing. Taking an inspiration form IPL and Lalit Modi many firms/organizations/NGO's/PSU's/edu. instis have shifted their meets/conferences venues around the globe. This has -obviously- given a new lease of life to sick and pessimistic economic condition of most countries.

A National Thermal Power Corporation (NTPC) press release said they have shifted their annual general meeting's venue from New Delhi, India to Mongolia. This was later confirmed by NTPC chairman, Mr. Venkatachary. The excuse he gave was "State government is not willing to provide us security, we had talks with Home Ministry as well. But, they too were helpless due to upcoming elections." He ended the press meet with a sarcastic smirk.

Commonwealth Games scheduled to take place next year too have been outsourced to nearby Myanmar (erstwhile Burma).

A Indian Institute of Management (IIM's) representative told us that IIM's will have their "Convocation ceremony" held at Thailand. "Our students will have chance to see white elephants too. He he he..." said someone. Security was the excuse again.

In a unrelated incident, a Public Interest Litigation (PIL) was filed in supreme court by a well known social group that offers help to the abandoned, pleading the court to shift "Kasav/Kasab's" (lone survivor of 26/11) trail to any more safe place and had listed few like... Uganda, Kenya, Czech Republic, Palestine, Pakistan or Iraq as these countries are willing to provide decent level of security.

Events gone out of India

Click to enlarge

Now local journalists have bad time redoing their itinerary. But they are happy as many of them stand a chance to get an all expense paid trip to foreign lands. On behalf of Journalist Union (JU) Boria Mazumdar said "The government could have provided security. But BCCI has no what-so-ever business in criticizing govt." on Times Now. He was furious and warned Chitambaram that he will face his wrath in future.

Whose POV really matters

Meanwhile, Alan Greenspan -a popular economist- is happy that whole world is reciprocating what India has done. Most firms/govt. dept.s are randomly changing their meeting venues. A company from the Gulf all of sudden had its Quarterly performance press conference at Varanasi. In a other unrelated incident Mexican telecoms minister arrived at Hubli in Karnataka, where he supposedly had a "cutting chai" and biscuits before meet with Mexican planning commission members. And not-so strangely Satyam's Ramalinga Raju made a public appearance at 10 Downing Street - official residence of PM of England- and sent his resignation through media.

Things coming to India

Click to enlarge

"What the hell.. I'm going nuts.. I'm going crazy.. how the hell can Lalit Modi find solution to economic meltdown" yelled a ecstatic Alan Greenspan, who devoted his whole life towards economics. "Now everyone is going everywhere. Carrying liquidity with them. Haven't seen such a helm.. Yaay its over.. its over" continued Greenspan before anyone could console him. These happenings have -obviously- left RBI and FED reserves people stunned and speechless.

Greenspan before IPL moved to SA

Pillars of Indian Polity

2009-03-22T13:10:00.000-07:00

Click pic n watch video

The Great Gandhi auction and Youth

2009-03-16T11:05:00.001-07:00

Recently certain items belonging to Mahatma Gandhi were auctioned at 'Antiquoroum Auctioneer' in New York, over which Indian media and a lot of others created a lot of furore and confusion. As usual government of India tried its best to intervene to stop auction and get the items but, as usual it failed. And later Dr.Vijay Mallya -self proclaimed and widely accepted liquor baron- outbids others and finally will get possession of items. Soon - I guess.

The process went on smoothly and it's now that the real issues are slowly yet steadily evolving. For some strange reason young Indian folks haven't been able to associate themselves with these items instead "I would -any day- prefer a sexy Fast-Track shades over this piece of relic" said a Levi's underwear sporting young man. His identity can't be disclosed as Sri Rama Sene is after him. He seems to have sported Ray-Ban shades publicly.

"What do you do with a pair of specs which don't have evoke any oomph? Huh!!" questioned Durga Naresh. Wise people like Kuldip Nayar, Praveen Swami, Ram Guha and others found it difficult to answer this clever argument. "Ya cal m kool? huh! Those brass circular pieces don't sport no brand name" said party wear wearing, obviously cool young girl as she stepped out of a local discotheque.

"'Youth' youth Club" founder and member Medha Patkar did not respond in her famous -world famous in India- way by inflicting a hunger strike. Instead she renounced Bapu's memorabilia. "They are not ours" she said before leaving for Jantar Mantar -her permanent temporary address- obviously for a hunger striketo support Tata Nano project.

Chief Election Commissioner, N.Gopalaswami refused to react as it was against so-called "Moral Code of Conduct." However, in a off record conversation he revealed, he did not want Vijay Mallay to show Gandhi-items to election commissioner Navin Chawla. He's a congress man. Lalit Modi was furious and used many f-words in succession, but his fury was against politicians. -Sources

Raj Thackrey gives a Non-provocative Speech

2009-03-10T10:03:00.000-07:00

"If Bapu (Gandhiji) would have been alive, his chest would have inflated -with pride- at least by 5 cubic feet after listening to Shri.Raj Thackrey's latest speech" said Durga Naresh "which he delivered at earthquake struck -in 90's- Latur." This Durga Naresh is a friend of mine and has innate interest in Gandhian philosophy and medeocritic political discources. He has been closely following Sri.Raj Thackrey since his childhood.

As my friend informed, Shri.Raj Thackrey gave a non-provocative speech, quite contrary to public expectation and his reputation. The speech was later dubbed by media as "Raj Thackreys First Lecture." Media people creative and cleverly copying from "Randy Pausch's Last Lecture." Media reports confirmed -which include inputs from omnipresent Durga Naresh- the lecture lasted for about and hour and half, which again was quite contrary to his reputation.

In his speech he talked at length about certain topics that i find outdated and Gandhian in nature. However i will try to present the key points cleverly made by him.

1. Firstly he spoke in many non-marathi languages
2. Welcomed people from Bihar and Uttar Pradesh
3. Planned to visit Bodh Gaya and exhibited interest in following footsteps of Buddha
4. Presented a in-depth analysis on "Importance of national integration and absurdity of linguistic divisions"
5. His ideal politicians were Laloo, Mulayam and Mayawati
6. Proposed a site to start a school for urchins and wanted Amitabh Bachchan to do the honours
7. Would recommend state government to send Kasab to a rehab center
8. He will send his boys to collect back the bottles thrown at Amitabh's residence
9. His men would take oath not to vandalize public property anymore
10. Alas he said "Please vote for MNS" which tech. obsessed junta took as MSN

He ended with "We all should live with peace and harmony. Our aim in life should be happiness" Claps, appreciations, citations and greetings followed. Now he's more popular than Obama. The Washington Post gave a fullpage coverage to this international sensation dubbing him "The New Peace Icon"

Dev D

2009-03-01T19:13:00.000-08:00

Like Delhi 6, I was curious to watch Dev D, and check what Anurag Kashyap has to offer this time around. The promos were pretty interesting, so is its music. Emosional Attyachar did make big news with its unique sound and Presley look-alikes. However, the Presley look-alikes were from Patna. Anurag Kashyap's previous film "No Smoking" was a failure but that did not undermine his credentials of making out-of-box movies, Black Friday drew lot of critical acclaim.

Dev D released on 6th of February, but due to busy schedule I was not able to catch the first day first show. I prefer this slot. I could catch it as late as on 24th of Feb at Venkatramana theater, show was timed at 2:30 am. This 2:30 am show is once in a year affair. Many people like being awake through out night of Shivratri, this makes way for theatre owners to have a show this late(or early). Srujan -my pal- called up the previous night to inform that i need to wake up at 2 in the morning, get ready in 10-15 minutes before he picks me up at my place. I uttered okay after failing to retaliate and fixed a alarm for 2. The issue that bothered me was, what was I going to say parents to leave at this un-social time? Heck! Planned some -clever and believable-story.

As planned, things went fine though i got a bit late. We reached theatre in almost time and but missed first 5 minutes.

Dev D -as said- is a mordern-day interpretation of Sharat Chandra Chattopadhya's classic Devdas. This subject has been explored by many directors. At some level the concept remains same but on a holistic note I wouldn't call it Devdas at all. Here Dev -played by Abhey Deol- and Paro -played by Mahi Gill- are childhood friends/love interests. Dev returns from London after finishing his studies, he is son of a rich business man in Punjab.

This film explores characters in a amazing manner. Dev's life revolves around love, lust and intoxication in a self-destructive manner. All actors have given their best performance till date. Anurag Kashyap has woven the film seamlessly, you are glued to screen all the time. Editing, sound mixing, screen play, background score, music/songs are all fantastic. At certain instances graphics and camera effect is effectively used to create a sinking feeling that characters go through. Here Chunnilal -a pimp- played by Debyendu Bhattacharya guides Dev to dark corners of Delhi where he comes across Chanda. I found Chunnilal quite similar to Romesh Powar in looks.

The Music is fabulous. Tracks like Emosional Attyachar, Duniya, Payaliya, Pardesi, Nayan Tarse, Aankh Micholi support film quite well. Its a must watch.

I'm suffering from writers block, so kindly spare me for this not-so-good post, film is hell lot better than this review. For more check this Dev D.

Adios!

Delhi 6 goes for a Six

2009-02-28T01:55:00.000-08:00

After listening to music and watching promos of Delhi 6 for past few days on television I was quite exited to catch this film. Alpesh (ardent Raykesh Mehra fan) in a discussion on shout-box said he would like to catch Delhi 6 in a theatre because it was a Raykesh Mehra film, giving due credentials to his hit filck Rang De Basanti, starring Aamir Khan, this incidentally also was Indian nomination at the Oscars. During this short conversation with Alpesh I shared a juicy nugget about Mr.Mehra's previous film- Aks (starring Big B, Manoj Bajpai and Raveena Tondon). Aks was big flop. And after catching Delhi 6, I'm obliged to reiterate Mr.Mehra was the (driving) force behind Aks.

Delhi 6 evoked lot of anticipation in public, but the film fails to capitalize. It literally confused the crap out of people watching. There was a group of college kids in theatre who clapped -sarcastically- on all crappy occasions. Technical stuff like editing is poor. Songs pop up too often during first half. In particular the picturization of song 'Rehna Tu' (incidentally my favourite from album) is unjustified, a romantic love kind of song, great music but what you see on screen is Rishi Kapoor and Abhishek Bachchan driving car at night on empty streets. You would rather like the television promos of same song.

The characters aren't explored to the fullest so you do not connect with any. During film you even forget what the film is about. Mr.Mehra tried to weave many issues/stories in film but sadly... the main things I found was 1) A NRI kid coming back to India and likes things here 2) Monkey menace that occurred in Delhi few years back 3) Hindu Muslims living in perfect harmony in first half and exactly opposite of it in second 4) Good wins over Bad in the form of "Ram Leela" which runs parallely as film progresses, often you get irked and you see it as interruption 5) Abhishek Bachchan taking photos at regular intervals from one of his Motorola cell phones. Sonam Kapoor has nothing significant to do, her aim is to become Indian Idol. She looks quite gorgeous and did pretty well in whatever she had to. Cyrus Sahukar plays role of a photo cum videographer, who indulges in socially impermissible relationship with Lala's (Prem Chopra) wife, who is a lot younger than sixty some Prem Chopra.

The first half is about coming back to India, exploring and liking it. And the later part of second half is filled with Hindu-Muslim riot, with a local female Hindu politician trying to aggravate riot with her venomous speech(sort of) on other hand a Muslim cleric (not sure) leads and defends Muslim community, “Itt ka jawaab patthar se denge” was his line. Lastly Om Pure (Sonam's dad) fixes Sonam’s marriage against her will, she flees home for Mumbai (she gets selected for Indian Idol) with Cyrus Sahukar while Abhishek Bachchan tries solving Hindu-Muslim riot by attempting Monkey Man. He comes across Sonam and Cyrus while they are on way, still in monkey attire he scares hell out of Cyrus and he vanishes in no time. Abhishek speaks his heart out Sonam concords. They hug and people arrive, people thrash Abhishek like anything and he goes unconscious or dies (wasn’t able to hear, audience din outgrew film sound).

Vijay Raaz, Rishi Kapoor, Waheeda Rahman, Om Puri, Sonam kapoor, Amitabh Bachchan, Cyrus Sahukar, Atul Kulkarni, Divya Dutta and many others including Abhishek Bachchan seem to play cameos. Everyone plays their role quite well.

The characters are good but too many. My friend commented during first half “This looks like a documentary on Delhi the difference is we are paying to watch this one.” There are few moments of comic relief as well. Bad job Mr.Mehra. It could have been a fantastic film. Better luck next time.

Watch it at your own risk if you are a normal movie goer. Haven't been able to catch Alpesh. Watch is once, I recommend.

Chiranjeevi approves Gay marriage..!! Sets a fine example!

2009-02-28T01:02:00.000-08:00

Click pic for better view

I'm leaving it on you for further interpretation.. he.. he..!

Points against Indian Prime Ministerial Candidates

2009-02-21T06:23:00.000-08:00

Rahul Gandhi:

Points against:

1: Too young.

2: Doesn't look like Barrack Obama.

3: Is obsessed with female names that end with "wati" (kalawati, prabhawati being prominent ones)

Lal K Advani:

Points against:
1: Too old.

2: Bald.

3: Mustache exceeds by full 0.0058 mm.

4: Doesn't look like Obama either.

5: Has a habit of scratching bald portion of his head

6: Has more than 4 points against him.

Dr.Manmohan Singh:

Points against

1: Is PHD.

2: A bit more educated by Indian polity standards.

3: Accused of being accused.

4: Wears sky blue colour turban all the time. Young people like flashy colours. He probably should try "Florescent Green"

Sonia Gandhi:

Points against:

1: Too fair to become Indian Prime Minister. People won't connect.

2: Nor is her English accent Indian enough.

3. Is related to Bapu.

4: Wakes up early in the morning and is sternly punctual.

laloo Prasad Yadav:

Points against

1: Too funny

2: Has spoken to people at IIM's, Stanford, Harvard, etc..

3: He has 2 O's in his name. Numerologists prefer 2 U's.

4: Accused of revamping Bihar's education and industrial sectors.

5: Doesn't own a IPL team.

Amar Singh:

Points against:

1: Voice is too soft.

2: Perhaps, should try at Indian Idol.

3: Makes face (as in pic) when ails from common cold.

4: His favourite man is Amitabh Bachchan.

5: Sex appeal quotient is greater than 1. Where as PM's are supposed to have in a range of 0.5 - 0.93.

Narendra Modi:

Points against:

1: Has an "Identity clash" with Lalit Modi.

2: Investor friendly.

3: Excessively secular.

4: Can't make face like Amar Singh (a major spoiler).

Mulayam Singh Yadav:

Points against:

1: Obsessed with Albert Einstein, Stephen Hawking and Astrophysics in general.

2: Has 6 fingers in his right hand. See pic. Click to enlarge.

3: Published research papers in magazines like "Nature"

4: Sole responsible for invention of internet, television and LASERS.

5: Believed to be having a mansion on Saturn and somewhere in Andromeda.

6: Travels at twice the speed of light.

Kumari Mayawati:

1: Obsessed with statues of her own. She would probably prefer her statue for PM's job.

2: Accused to introducing a new branch of engineering called Social engineering.

3: Likes Italian food.

4: Looks like Mayawati.

5: There is no 5th point.

People who narrowly missed.
1. Sanjay Dutt
2. Md. Azharuddin
3. Sahabuddin
4. Md. Afzal
5. Raja Bhaiya
6. Karuna+Nidhi
7. Abhay Kuruvilla(ancient cricketer)
8. Ekta Kapoor
9. Himesh Reshamiya
10. Durga Naresh

Compiled by Yours Truly !

Pakistan Shocks International Community

2009-02-18T02:24:00.000-08:00

In a shocking development that turned tables around against India, Pakistan granted 'Honorary Citizenship' to families and victims (both living and non-living) of 26/11 Mumbai terror attack. "This politically motivated development obviously shocked Indian authorities" said a rather nonchalant Pranab Mukherjee. However, media men wanted further clarification on obviousness of this development.

Pak's Ministry of external affairs issued passports as well

"We demand full protection of our citizens" Asif Ali Zardiar said speaking to Karan Thapar, and continued "who visit India, especially of that on tourist visas. This is not the way. This is not the way. This is not the way." On further uncanny interrogation by ever outsmart Karan, Zardari confirmed this role in a upcomming Ekta Kapoor soap.

Shivraj Patil was as busy as ever changing his attier. "We are humbled" replied a taliban spokesguy, who simply seem to have lifted words from Obama's Inagural speech(I'm humbled) "by the recent developments. Alas our long time proposal has been accepted. We have also asked ISI to issue Indian passports to all perpetrators."

"After this, there is no meaning in pursuing bilateral dialogue and exhange of doisseirs. Now Indian need to check homegrown terrorsim. Kasab is from kottyam (kerla), others were from Mimbai, Delhi and Bangalore, as per official communication from Pakistan" said Shiv Shankar Menon. He hummed Masakali Matakali making exit from dias.

India clueless on how to react. Pranab Mukherjee reported saying nothing. Absolutely nothing. A highly placed -but unreliable- official informed India wants to reciprocate bu issuing Himesh, Arindam and Yeddurappa Pakistani passports.

Enlarging may help you read

Cricket Experts Outnumber Viewers. Alas!

2009-02-11T09:15:00.000-08:00

In a recent development that took cricketing world by storm, the number of 'Cricket Experts' on television finally outgrew the number of people who watch them at home, cafes and offices (in that very order).

K.Srikant an ardent cricket fan and a cricket commentator himself said "This has been the next-big-thing since economic slowdown and Barrack Obama taking oath as 44th president of United States." Clearly laying extra stress on number 44 to display his high precision cleverness, as any cricket expert would do.

"What nonsense! We want better people" said an enraged Charu Sharma of Doordarshan's 'Fair & Lovely Fourth Umpire.' The program however, has not caused any singular harm to general public health. But, cricket scientists insist it to be renamed as "Fair & Lovely Fourth Empire" thereby sticking a cord with numerologists.

The term 'Cricket Expert' till recently was copyrighted by people of a very-special breed like Mandira Bedi, Bishen Singh Bedi and Monica Bedi.. err.. no.. He! He! but now has become generic and hence can be used by anyone to refer anyone.

Click the pic and enlarge it.

This event has taken a unlikely victim - Darrel Hair. Who was considering a career in cricket commentary post retirement from umpiring ODI's and combing his hair. Hair combing hair. World Bank research reports reveal, Hair felt victimized for no particular reason.

A linear analysis provided by leading scientist revealed lesser known facts and had predicted the following may try hands at being Cricket Expert.. they are.. Arindam Chaudhauri (better known for his "Dare to think beyond" lines), A.Raja (IT & Communications minister India) and Arundhati Roy (a self proclaimed and widely accepted socialite.. err.. social worker), thereby creating a unique hat trick of A's.

A.Raja welcomed TV audience as he said "Hello I'm A.Raja and you are watching live cricket." Arjun Singh - Union HRD minister- was too busy to comment as he was busy shooting a commercial for OBC (oriental bank of commerce) with a wrong orientation. He's also reported to have skipped many parliamentary sessions to audition for "Wheel" detergents company. He thought it would be a cake walk as he uses wheel chair.

However, television audience seemed dissatisfied with these developments and have filed a Public Interest Litigation (PIL) in Supreme Court in order to have 'Shrivardhan Trivedi' of Star News as a common Cricket Expert on all national channels.

PJs

2008-12-19T19:22:00.000-08:00

Few PJ's I often crack often untimely..

Q) What do you call a person who sees a Bollywood movie every week and makes an hour long documentary on it(film) ?
A) Aaj Tak journalist

Q) What do you call a person who writes Ratan Tatas biography ?
A) Mamata Banerjee

Q) What happens when you catch 'Common cold' ??

A) Your "Liquidity" increases

Q) What is common between Sonia Gandhi and Carla Bruni ?
A) Both are women :D

A journalist to Shibu Soren: Sir, when can we expect you to shave ?
Shibu Soren: I'm waiting for the steel price to come down.

News Time

+ Himesh Reshamiya sues AR Rahman for stealing you know what.. :D

+ Minor stone pelting reported at ICLs inauguration ceremony. Sketches reveal the culprits to be, Lalit Modi and Sharath Pawar.

+ Sania Mirza is Dr.Sania Mirza now.

+ Raj Thackrey made chancellor of a university whose motto is "Peace and Harmony"

+ Amar Singh wants to take CAT next year.

+ Researchers say Navjot Singh Sidhu is radioactive and can power 59 Indian villages.

+ Arjun Singh pens a book titled "How to be a sycophant par excellence"

+ And Mayawati pens "A guide on how to erect your own statues"

Sania and Shocks - The Quintessential Vicissitudes !

2008-12-11T02:50:00.000-08:00

I believe, in your life till now, you had fair amount of shocks to shock you up. It may be your shocking failure or success in your final exams, your or your friend’s selection into something that wasn’t on expected lines, or for that sake initial terror attacks. Initial attacks because you must have got used to it by now and terror would have become a word of frequent use. And in a country as vast as India which has infinite traditions there must have been a moment faux pas to shock you. If all this hasn’t shocked you in the dearness of past, for sure some politicians or film stars unlikely death or a match won by Indian cricket team would have taken its toll. Shock comes in different sizes too so, be ware.

Now let’s see some Sania Mirza. BTW don’t err and assume she’s Mirza Galib’s descendant. Sania is into something that’s not even remotely associated with what Galib did. And how can I make such disgraceful inept comparison or state the two in a sentence. See again I’ve missed the point... Okay Madam Sania needs no introduction – at least in Indian sub-continent- but let me have the privilege of doing so. Along years I’ve developed this habit of taking privilege in introducing people, so one of my friend calls me the-privilegist-introducer. That’s some sort of a title ain’t it? Such is the intensity of introduction, and many a times it’s just an obligation - to be honest. Whatever lets get back to Sania. So, if I remember correctly she came to limelight some 5 years back with her rapid rise on international stage and subsequent improvement in rankings. I personally believe that she never had mettle to score on international turf, just by some fluke and few easy draws was she able to better her rankings. This may sound highly opinionated and subjective view but you are free to check records. She did not beat even a single decent ranked player till now. However, she did become 33^rd ranked player.

In India people are sentimental to the core. In some ways you can call it foolishness on the riverbank. If you are selling a bottle full of water on a river bank and someone actually buys it, then it’s highly likely that that person is an Indian. So let’s get back to Sania again as we have done few times earlier. Sania soon is burdened of representing whole feminine side of IndiaIndia preserve their brain by utilizing it to its minimal extent and follow Sania, nose-rings are in, and everyone wears them. The fairy tale moves swiftly for a while until a “Fatwa” is issued against her. Did I forget to tell you that she wears skirts on court? In India one other thing is famous as well, a celebrity/sports star in a jiffy starts believing that his/her stardom is eternal. They just take things for granted. And then comes the rude shock; you are out of team your performance has hit a new low, probably beyond nadir. The media that crazily interviewed you now begins to criticize; your sponsors make a volte-face. Common phenomenon in this materialistic world.
(she’s paid too for that). By that I mean, she soon begins to sell cool drinks, chips, wardrobe, hair oil etc. People like her, they like her nose-ring too. Ah! Fashion statement – its called. Girls across

I would perpetually miss the main point of the post if right now I don’t put off the music. Put off or face it, I choose the former. Amid Sania and Shocks of world one hit me this morning. A shock that now Sania Mirza will be conferred an honorary doctorate by MGR university Chennai. Darn! A doctorate for doing something that a tom, dick or Harry would have done better if provided same facilities. I see this as an extension to pseudo-social justice that prevails across India. It reminds me of P.Gopichand who won All England badminton championship couple of years back and Vishwanathan Anand, who arguably is the numero-uno in the realm of chess. Don’t such people deserve sponsorships and Honorary Doctorates? It’s a question to be answered. Social inequities at their best. The newspaper article quotes her “Well, everything seems to fall in place for me now. It’s a huge honour for me. This is very inspiring honour for me. I’m very enthusiastic about the whole ambience there.” Well if you have sensed it right she too sounds quite shocked. All I can say is Indians are unique in a unique way. By the way, she’s not the first one to be conferred with an Honorary Doctorate; she joins the elite league of people like Amitabh Bachchan, Manmohan Singh (this chap actually did his PhD).

I think there should be a honorary doctorate club, where these people can interact on personal levels and contribute to society by selling potato chips and tomato sauce. When they see their career ending they always can join a political outfit that will give a Lok Sabha ticket or a nomination into Rajya Sabha. Else they have the option of hoisting a TV show, become commentator, get paid for blogging etc. Someone rightly said shocks come in all packages, be ware.

Winter Morning

2008-12-03T19:25:00.000-08:00

God forbid my laziness but to be truthful, I haven’t got up this early in months. Well its 6:30 in the morning and I’m -unusually- done with brushing my teeth and cautiously pouring a glass of hot liquid we normally address as tea in to my stomach. So what called for this overnight change (if it is)? Yesterday night, it struck me that I should wake up a bit early and probably go for a 30 min jog that I certainly enjoy, and at the same time enjoy nature –that I admire so much– by grasping sky and cityscape before first rays from sun would dismantle the austere simplicity and calmness around.

It often happens to me that I divert my attention and energy from what I plan. For example, I sat down this early to write my experiences this morning but now I’m checking my mails one of which took me to orkut, and to undesirably end up spending most of my time there. However, realization struck me soon and I’m back. In a similar fashion, I thought to wake up around 5:30, get ready in 10 minutes and be running on roads. To my despair and comfort I didn’t get up that early – courtesy – the warmth and comfort I was engrossed in provided by blanket meant for two that I pulled over me last night. In short, I had idle sleeping conditions around me. Whatever. An hour’s delay called for some modification of plan. I would like to discuss issues of waking up early in detail, but that would derail the topic, so some other time.

Yes, so after pouring down that hot liquid in to my stomach and combing hair to avoid that ‘just outta bed look’ I quickly climbed up stairs to reach terrace. As I mentioned in the beginning that I planned to jog and grasp nature, let me shed some light on my idea of grasping nature as jogging is same for all. I want it to be clear for one reason that everyone has a different interpretation of nature and has a different relation with it. Or at least, has a different notion. To explain it better I would say a parallel can be drawn between literature and nature, where in everybody has their own interpretation. Fine, I’m on terrace and try to figure out- where sun is? The next moment I realize, sun was yet to rise. I silently patted me for being able to beat sun. Fluorescent lights gleamed across roads as I looked down. At some distance, I could even see those 60 and 100 watt bulbs smirk which were put on the last night to fight darkness.

I’m not a professional writer or even a good armature hence it’s difficult for me to express few things in words. The atmosphere was absolute and authentic, mist all around, the visibility was low horizontally, while there was clear sky above me. Far somewhere, there was hill, which looked pale now. Towards south were few high-rise buildings –which came into existence recently – that blocked horizon. Cool gentle breeze brushed me and seems to have said something in my ears, maybe a message from nature. This zephyr leaves gives you the fragrance of nature, that lasts only until you are up there. But for that very moment you are in sheer bliss. All this was so mesmerizing that one can start living in such moments. I really felt connected with nature. Nothing was extrinsic. The silence which in general is a precious commodity these days was in abundance. No stereo, mp3, MTV, or spiritual prayers and holy chanting from the temple nearby seem to exist. This silence gives you an extraordinary sense of fulfillment. And to quote the person I don’t remember ‘For a moment, there is no need to question, there is no need to answer, and life is understood.’ Such was the moment. In case you didn’t get try this out one morning.

Soon something bright red grabbed my attention. It was sun. It was sun, it was the very same sun yet it seemed so different with a coat of mist on it. I wish I had a camera with me. It seemed to have been thrusting cool rays of light instead the regular once that warm and fatigue you up. Only a winter morning could offer you such a sun. The semicircle modified itself in to a complete circle spreading across vibrant colours that changed plumes of clouds. You for a moment forget everything, all your tensions, worries, home-work, assignments, projects, deadly deadlines, TV programs that you need to catch, your own inability to better yourself, the competition around, politics, bomb blasts, protests, down sliding economy, bleak job prospects. You simply live in those few moments. The quality of those moments is not quantifiable. It’s supreme. I thank creator for creating nature and such mornings.

Adios!

Idiots Mantra!

2008-11-29T04:21:00.001-08:00

After much procrastination, sleep sessions and even more laziness I’m here restarting blog. My blogging history dates back to 2005 when I created a blog called XYZ sucks. XYZ being my college name. It isn’t worth mentioning college name here. Sadly venting my frustration there had dire implications whose aftermath still haunts me. The blog soon became popular among my batch-mates and somehow college management too got some sour taste of castigation. Soon my grades in internals began to dip which significant effects ones overall scores. Then I was in 2^nd year, and with time things got worse. I deleted that blog but it turned out difficult for college people to ignore it. I had to pay the price. I did. That was history. Now I’m back again with ‘Idiots Mantra’

Idiots Mantra – I searched, really hard for a good title. Form standard lines like ‘The Last Word’ to ‘Que Sara, sara’ and few other suitable titles that would give this blog a coveted ‘Intellectual’ look. But can words contain the underlying insanity? Probably not. So there I am the ‘Idiot’ and mantra the discourse cum opinion. Collectively it makes opinion from a moron. I don’t mind having such title; rather I would call it another feather in my cap.